I hate you for making me fall in love
I hate you for putting me in a box
I hate you for leaving me for her
And then treating her like shit
And giving up me to be with her
but not honoring what she is to you
it makes me feel disposable
that you could give me up
then not put any effort into this thing
you wanted enough to ruin me

I hate you for being so self centered
So self serving
And calling me selfish
And making me feel like I wasn’t good enough for you
And blaming myself for so long
When I should have been blaming you

I blame you for not caring enough
And putting yourself first
When you claimed to put me first
And for choosing her in the first place
And leaving me
And then leaving her
And letting her believe that everything is okay
When it’s not
And I’m still sleeping in your bed
With your head in my hands
And you’re out with the 4th woman
Late at night
In a bar
And she tells you she will be with you
And you can’t resist her
And you don’t want to
Because you like feeling wanted
And I can’t blame you for that
Although I do

I hate you for making me crazy
And worrying about you
And waiting for your call
And I hate you for doing the same thing to her
Making her crazy
And worrying about you
To the point of hysteria
And you just shrug and say
“that’s how it goes”

And I hate myself for not being what you needed
At the time
Because I think I’m in capable of it
But I think you’re incapable of it too
Maybe I broke you
Maybe I was the only person you were gave yourself to completely
And I broke your ability to truly give yourself away again
Because I never gave myself fully to you
I refused to submit
And so we failed
That was the price

And now you refuse to submit to her
Refuse to give yourself over completely
And lose your ground
And fall down the slope towards this thing called love
You did it with me and we got churned up and tossed out
Broken.
After everything
I can’t really blame you for not wanting to give yourself to her.
I can’t blame you for not wanting to give yourself to me again.
Although I do.